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[sticky post] Salutations!

This LJ account has gone through hiatus and purge after hiatus and purge, but I still do not delete it. I hid all of my posts for a while. Then I purged and started fresh with private entries. Then, for whatever reason (I don't remember doing it, but whatever), I deleted every entry again sometime last year except the old sticky banner I made for my "friends only post" years ago when I first learned how to use layers and difference clouds and gradients wayyyyy back in old Photoshop 7.0. I guess I was nostalgic over that ugly graphic monstrosity I created when I first fell in love with post processing photography.

So why am I here now? I was reading blogs about indie cosmetic companies and came across one that was an LJ... and then that nostalgia crept back up on me. I get emotional about the strangest things. I figured I've had this account since 2004, I might as well keep it now. I was 23 and about to face my first divorce very shortly after entering into my first marriage when I created this account. I am a different human being now from the one I was back then. At times I really wish I hadn't gone through those 'delete all evidence of the past' phases, so I could at least read through my evolution, but I digress. I never got to the point.

Why am I here?

Reboot. TiffyChele is releasing meanbluethingy 3.0. Thanks for killing time here.

Mind Funk

I'm in a bit of a mind funk right now. I feel like I am beating my head against a wall at work and getting nowhere. It's most likely the commute that is really tearing away at me, because it is really hard to stay focused and engaged when my salary nearly doubled, yet I am still living paycheck to paycheck only now with the added stresses and pressures of my current title and less time with my growing children.

I've gotta dig deep and find a way to be awesome at what I'm doing now, because it is the only way I will earn a shorter commute. To be honest, I find it ridiculous that I have so many hoops to jump through and so much politicking to endure to accomplish what others have gotten through merely asking, but I digress. I am finding more and more how harsh the reality is for one that lacks a penis.

Some things that have been especially trying for me is that my personality is very aggressive and "type a" and that is apparently very unbecoming of a female in leadership. I must be presentable, well spoken, graceful, and lovely while maintaining the illusions of strength and intelligence. I can't be in your face outspoken and it is a HARD habit to silence.

I just have to suck it up, put on my big girl panties and roll with it. School is around the corner, the kids need things that this job helps me provide for them. If I am successful at it, I can get closer to home and closer to them. One day at a time, and I will do this.

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I am a work in progress...

I will grow.
I will change.
I will improve.
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